I sat with a friend yesterday and we were talking about weight and how she's toying with the idea of getting the band, and I told her it was the best thing I ever did. We both cenonfessed we don't have will power- "Hello, my names Melissa and I love food!" I told that, yes, I got the band because I've yo-yo dieted my entire life - am the only one who remembers GanGan taking me to her dieting group when I was probably 10 years old? - and that I can't do it alone, and I admit that. I am sitting here admitting that I am taking an easier way out, and I am ok with it. I am "cheating" - I wasn't blessed with great metabolism, both sides of the family loved to eat and were over-weight.
I think some "bandsters" might get offended by that 'cheating' comment, but I don't care really... it's the way I feel, and again, I am ok with that. I need the help. I don't feel that I should have to give up everything - I've done it my entire life already, and damit, I'm tired of it. The funny thing is, both of my doctors, and the shrink found my commentary very funny when I told them my views of this.
I want to be able to have a piece of cake on my future kids first birthday party. If I'm out with friends and they have dessert, I want to be able to share a piece with them. I don't want to give up Mexican food (and it wouldn't happen! *lol*) - I already gave you my Dr. Pepper!
No, I don't want to get down to the doctors recommended weight of 150 lbs - it's creepy. I'm 5'7", and the idea of not having beautiful curves, my big butt, my boobs are already gone (hello boob job one day!) just makes me sad - it's pathetic that the world we live in, having your bones stick out is what we consider beautiful. I don't. My husband doesn't - he said he'd be happy if I didn't lose another pound - and honestly, I'd be ok too, but only if they took the saggy skin. *lol*
When I was 16-17 I popped Ripped Fuel like candy for 1.5 years and went from a 24-14 and dropped to around 190-ish and you know what? I didn't care, I honestly wasn't happy - it took a lot to maintain. I ate a small something for breakfast with a coke, nothing for lunch, and when I worked nights I had a large fat-free smoothie for dinner. Does that sound like living? Not to me. Some bansters live off of that not, and it works for them, great. It doesn't for me. I want to live AND eat. You can have both, and I'm learning to balance them out.
So, no, I'm probably not the "normal banster", and I'm ok with that. I'm the fat kid who didn't like being uber fat, but doesn't want to completly change who she is. :)
I found this on my harddrive, and it's from Christmas 2006 when I was at my heaviest. We didnt even own a scale at that time, so I have no idea what I was.
August 27th, 2008 - the morning after I took the bandages off. I found out I'm allergic from the adhesive, obviously. *lol*
Me - July 2009. Happy.
The day of surgery I was 275, and today I'm 240. Sure, I could be a lot less, but I'm choosing to lose it at a slower pace and I'm happy. :)