Saturday, October 31, 2015

When life turns all around

  It's been a damn rough year. A kick you in the balls so hard you want to vomit and shit at the same time type of year.

  I've been distant from blogging, and that makes me so sad. I've missed documenting so much of our lives, and I won't get that back. I miss putting my crazy thoughts down, getting it off my chest, and out of my head, and making sense of it all.

  Since Rich lost his job, it's been hard on us. We've fought more in the last year and a half than almost our entire marriage. I'm sure we've had moments when we wish we could be done, but we love each other too much. Damnit, if we can make through PTSD, and the years of working through jt, we can make this, too.
  The silver lining out of all of it? The kids got the help they needed.
   Brax was able to start speech and occupational therapy, and progressed. We had him diagnosed with adjustment disorder (so you can imagine the shitstorm if was when we uprooted him from FL to TX), potentially ADHD, he's defiant, and sensory processing disorder (SPD).
  He started pre-k this year, and we were terrified, but after adjusting to it, he's seriously kicked ass. He has some days were he's not great, but out of the last 3-4 weeks he's gotten a smile on his report every day but 3. I'll totally take it! He goes weekdays 8-3, just like everyone else in school, so he jumped into it all!

  Jilly was able to get her kidney surgery back last November, and she's been UTI free since then! That's huge! She was getting them every few weeks like clockwork, so to know she's not in pain anymore is awesome.
  She'd decided to hold off on walking til a week before she turned one, and then she was straight up running days later, and hasn't stopped. She talks a lot better than Brax ever did at her age, and uses sign language on top of it. So we'll continue learning jt, and incorporating it in our daily lives even more.

  Rich is struggling emotionally. He went from a job he loved so, so damn much, making good money to nothing. He'll make less than half of what he made last year, we barely make enough to cover the ghetto apartment, electric and cells. If we didn't have food stamps, we'd be screwed. Even then those run out so quick that we have to move bills around to put food in the fridge - some paydays we don't make it, and have to sell something. We've gotten less than 24 hours away from having to go to a food pantry. (Please note that our kids are NEVER without, ever. We always find a way to make it work, and there is always food/snacks for them, they're growing kiddos.)
  It's humbling and embarrassing all at the same time. Our families and friends have no idea of our struggles, and we keep it that way. Neither of us have ever had to go through something like this, it's new uncharted territory, and we're finding ways to make it work.
  We fought so hard to pay off debt the last few years, and we're less than 9 months away to being debt free when Rich lost his job. We didn't have a savings, we'd been putting money into debt to make it go away so we could better ourselves, and then the rug was pulled from under our feet. And now we're in even more debt than what we ever used to have since we couldnt continue to pay it off. Talk about life lessons being taught the hard damn way.

  Perk about all of it? We know how strong we are. We know we can fight, cry, get depressed, but still know we love each other. That no matter what, I'll get a highfive  and kiss from Brax, Jillian will want me to wear her and give hugs, and my husband will hold my hand through it all.
   Silver linings are there, just have to know where to find them.

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